An afternoon at Vigelandsparken

We had a visit from out of town this weekend. It was our friends from Western Norway, Peder and Sarifa, who came to Oslo for a surprise 30th birthday party for our mutual friend Jo. Jo's party, so carefully orchestrated by his wife, Carolina, took place at a trendy bar/club/restaurant on Karl Johann street in downtown Oslo, just across from the beautiful parliament building. The food was amazing--tasty and colorful tapas, the music good, and the company great.

The next day, on Sunday, we went for a walk and a picnic at the Vigeland park. Here are some pictures from today's outing. As you can see, the fall has descended on Norway and the nature has donned its golden apparel.

A comfortable routine

It is already October, and we have been in Norway for five months already. Burundi feels so far away both geographically and temporally. Life here is getting into a comfortable routine and an update is in order.

We chose the worst time of the year (summer) to move to Norway and start looking for work, as between June and the end of August Norwegians take their summer holidays, which means that most businesses come to a halt, including the recruitment of new staff. There were a few ads here and there, but upon sending an application we would receive an automatic reply that applications would be reviewed at the end of August. So, it was pretty much a given that we would not be able to get into work before September.







For me (Anton), there was the additional issue of having to learn the language. Though I am entitled to 300 hours of free language classes by the Norwegian state (as Elray’s spouse), there were (surprise, surprise) no classes starting before the 18th of August. I used the summer months to study Norwegian on my own. I also used the summer to get back into a healthy gym routine, something I missed in Burundi.

During the long months of summer we did have one nice short trip—to the area around Bergen, on the west coast of Norway. Elray’s college friends Peder (from Norway) and Sarifa (from South Africa) got married in a picturesque town on a fjord, which only took us 8 hours by train followed by 2 hours on a bus (which at one point had to get on a ferry). It was a fun-filled weekend where we got to see Judith (some of you met her at our wedding in Croatia) and some other friends.

My language class finally started at the end of August at the “Rosenhof skole” and I LOVE it. There are roughly 15 students from all over the world in my class, most of us having come to Norway due to love. The teacher is from the west coast and insists on using her local pronunciation because it is an advanced level class and we should be able to understand people from all over Norway. This is one thing that struck me as very interesting: Norwegians have very strong allegiances to their local dialects and it is accepted that one should be able to keep using the dialect even in communication with people from other parts of the country, and even in the media. This is in addition to having two official written languages: Bokmål (also known as Dano-Norwegian, used by about 85% of the population) and Nynorsk (“new Norwegian,” used by the remaining 15%, mostly in the west of the country). The language issue stems from the time of independence and has never been fully “solved” except in the sense that both forms are officially equal.

I realized it would be difficult to get a proper job in my field until I was fluent in Norwegian and have therefore pursued an alternative, though temporary, route: I got a job at a pre-school at the end of August. I work with 4 and 5 years olds as a pre-school assistant and have enjoyed it so far. It takes a lot of energy and by the end of each day I am exhausted, but it can also be a lot of fun. I have realized how undisciplined Norwegian children are, which has made me learn all sorts of vocabulary directed at stopping fights, lowering the noise level, and reminding them that they should clean up after themselves. My colleagues are extremely nice and welcoming. The plan is to stay at the pre-school until the end of the year and apply for other jobs in the meantime.

As far as Elray is concerned, after many applications as well as interviews, he will be starting his new job tomorrow (6.10) with Norwegian Church Aid as Peace Corps Program coordinator. He is extremely excited, especially since he will be traveling to South Africa for a week in November already. His job will entail coordinating the North-South and South-South exchange within the Norwegian Church Aid system.

As you can see, life is good. We are starting to make friends here (though very, very slowly) and are considering getting a dog! If we can get the permission from the homeowners’ association, we will get a Danish-Swedish farm dog. They look a lot like Jack Russels but are supposedly much tamer and quieter.

Transitions and happy times (June 2008)

It’s high time for another update from your friends across the world. The last six weeks or so have been a time of reflection, transition, and happy news for the two of us.


The last rebel group in Burundi started attacking the capital at the end of April and Elray and I experienced several nights of grenades flying over our house and exploding across the street, not too far from our house. This, in turn, led us to reconsider our stay in Burundi. We decided to take a break and go to Norway for a month. Once in Norway, we came to the conclusion that we really wanted to get started on our ‘normal’ life, in our new apartment and that therefore Elray wouldn’t be renewing his contract with the UN this June. It was a tough decision to make, because Elray loved his job. But it was the right decision. So we are here, writing this in our new apartment in Oslo, having moved in a couple of weeks ago.


It’s been very exciting to furnish our own apartment and to make it a home. We are almost there, missing only the sofa, which arrives next week. We are both looking for work and the job market in Norway is very good right now, though it might take some time to find perfect fits for both of us. It is summertime in Norway. Days are veeeeeeery looooooong, there is a lot of light, the grass is green and the trees leafy and fragrant. It is such a pleasure to sit on our balcony and enjoy the exceptional view of the mountains and the fjord that we have.


We also want to share some other great news with all of you. Namely, the Norwegian Parliament adopted a gender-neutral marriage law yesterday, eliminating the last remnants of anti-gay discrimination from Norwegian legislation. What this means for me and Elray is that in addition to all the other rights we have enjoyed since registering our partnership, we can now also adopt children. For more on the law, go to http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5jko_BIHizUFFqUtmEaUrAEoPXFWw

Next Friday night is a huge “homofest” on the roof of the new opera to celebrate the passage of the new law and to kick off the “Skeive dager” (Queer Days). Now that we are in a safe and much more accessible, as well as possibly more desirable, place to visit, please come and visit us in our new home in Oslo. We would love to host you!

Zanzibar (October 2007)

Our second wedding (19 September 2007)

It has already been a month since our “second wedding” in Croatia, and I feel it’s high time for an exhaustive report of the trip and the festivities.

Elray and I departed for Croatia on August 10 from Bujumbura. Our flight was leaving at 3:45 pm and we got to the airport a couple of hours earlier. But, fate would not have it that way. It was at 3:45 pm that we got word, and I mean word of mouth, not an official announcement, that our flight was going to be late. Then, at 5 pm I asked one of the Ethiopian
Airlines agents when we were expected to take off, to which he replied: At 5:45. Never mind that the plane hadn’t yet arrived from Addis Ababa. Then, sometimes after 6 or so, I asked him again the same question and his reply was that the plane had just left Addis and was expected in Bujumbura after 7:30 or so. The whole time we were located in the passenger waiting area
with no shops, newspaper kiosks, uncomfortable seats, but one bar. At 8:30 or so, we finally took off. We were quite afraid we would miss our connecting flight to Rome, and we would have done so had the plane not waited for connecting passengers, like us, from the Bujumbura flight.

We boarded the plane to Rome at 2 am and took off around 3, arriving to Rome at 7 or so in the morning. Our next flight, to Split, was not until 12:30 so we had plenty of time to kill at the disorganized and not so nice Fiumicino Airport. The flight from Rome to Split is under an hour and it was exciting to fly over the calm Adriatic Sea and start seeing the offshore islands, including Solta where we were to hold our wedding, and finally the Croatian mainland. After clearing customs we emerged into the airport’s main hall where our friends from DC, Mark and Amanda, were waiting for us, having arrived on an earlier flight
from the U.S. The four of us took an airport bus to the city where we bought ferry tickets and got on the first ferry for Solta.

The trip to Solta takes only about 45 minutes. It was 5pm and the sun wasn’t too strong. We were all very tired having traveled all previous night. When the ferry docked, we were greeted by my father who took our luggage in his car and we took the mini-bus to the next town where our resort was located. It just so happens that my parents also bought a summerhouse in the same town. The town’s name is Necujam, a play on words from “ne cujem,” Croatian for “I can’t hear,” meaning this bay is very quiet.

The same evening, our friends Vincent and Paul, also from DC, Holly and Sarah (from the UK), and John and Katrine (from Norway) arrived to the island. More people came in a few days later: Ranya, Nora and Harry (Elray’s sister, niece and Ranya’s partner), Boris and Lene (Elray’s brother and his partner), Judith (Elray’s friend from Germany), Anja (my friend from
Split), and Marjan and Rick (from the U.S.). We spent our days at the beach, in and out of the water, laughing, eating, joking, and playing. Every evening, we would also go to my parents’ house, just 200 m away, where we enjoyed the sunset over the bay over a glass or two of good local wine, figs, and all sorts of other delicacies.

My parents loved having all of us close by, hearing our stories, sharing a few laughs and being part of the whole experience. One of the first two evenings they said to me that they had changed their mind and wanted to come with us to the reception the following week. My parents had fallen in love with Elray in June when we first visited them, and that love only grew more obvious on this trip. I was in heaven! They were also eager to meet Elray’s brother and sister, Boris and Ranya.

One of the first few days on the island we took a day trip to my hometown, Split, where we did sightseeing, shopping and had a wonderful meal in one of the small restaurants located within the walls of Diocletian’s palace, where Sarah tried to seduce a handsome but married waiter by telling him he was a “super frajer”—a super hunk. ;) (Forgive me, Sarah!)

Elray and I had chosen the location for our reception in June, as well as a mode of transportation for getting there: a boat. In fact, the ceremony was to take place on a boat. Then three days before the big day, the boat owner cancelled on us because he had gotten another (bigger) gig in the meantime. He did, however, give us a number for another boat company.
We met up with the owner and checked out his boat. It wasn’t exactly what we had in mind, but I was ready to
go with it. Luckily, Elray wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect and the owner felt compelled to show us another boat of his. This was the boat we chose!

Our ceremony and celebration took place on August 16, just a day shy of one year since Elray proposed! The boat arrived to Necujam around 7 pm. All the guests and we gathered at the dock and got on the boat. The bottom level of the boat had a glass bottom, so we could see the sea beneath us. The top level was one big open platform, with chairs. We had asked Ranya,
Elray’s sister, to officiate the ceremony for us. Ranya was the first one to go upstairs, burn some sage to clear the energy, and prepare herself for the ceremony. All the guests followed, while Elray and I waiting on the bottom. The music started. It was a
beautiful, new-age song about giving and receiving set to the sound of hypnotizing drums that sounded like
water drops. All the guests got in two concentric circles on the upper level, moving in opposite directions. Elray and I made our way up and entered the middle of the inner circle. We were all moving, looking at each other, smiling, crying, and partook in this heart dance as the boat sailed towards the sunset.

Following the heart dance, guests sat down facing the front of the boat where Ranya was facing them. Alongside Ranya were our best men: John and Marjan, and in front of the three of them the two grooms. It is hard to describe the ceremony given that we were both transported to a very sacred and magical place. As Ranya performed the ceremony, as we exchanged our
rings again, as Elray sang to me and I recited a poem/vow to him, and as Ranya bestowed blessing upon each of us individually and us as a couple, the bright orange sun towards which we were sailing was just starting to merge with the sea, enveloping us in a warm halo. We like to think it was the universe nodding in approval of our love and blessing us with
beauty and protection.

After the ceremony ended, and after all the wonderful hugs and kisses from our dear friends and family, there was still half an hour remaining before we reached the other side of the island. As we enjoyed the scenery, drank wine and were plain being happy, the boat turned into the small village of Maslinica, revealing to our guest for the first time the beautifully lit and majestic 17th century Venetian castle of Martinis Marchi that was the site of our reception.

We docked and walked around the waterfront to the castle, where my parents and a local friend of mine were waiting for us as they had arrived by car. After a photo session in the castle’s gardens we descended to the wine cellar where under vaulted ceilings a long white table was set for our reception. As guests entered the room they each lit a tea light and placed
it on the table, forming a heart. The guests’ names were written on pebbles and placed around the table. The evening was magical. Delicious and succulent food was served and wine flowed freely, only to be interspersed by thoughtful and moving toasts by our best men, family and friends. Vincent and Paul performed a beautiful and delicate hula dance to a Hawaiian song about love. We were very honored by their performance and I personally was reminded of my four years in Hawaii. My parents were deeply moved that evening. Unable to speak because of the emotions that overcame them, they asked a friend of mine to say a few words in English. They were especially touched by Ranya’s remarks about marriage symbolizing peace between two families.

At midnight, we boarded the boat again and started our return to Necujam. Sitting on the upper level of the boat under the star-studded sky, we were privy to the most spectacular shooting-star display any of us had ever seen. Another gift from the universe!

We had another couple of days left on the island and enjoyed them with gusto, even as we had to say goodbye to our friends again. Elray and I spent the last night at my parents’ house and on Saturday morning took the ferry back to Split where we had to catch our plane to Rome. On the boat, as we sat in a shady corner, seven beautiful young women sat around us, took out a guitar and sang the most beautiful songs about the sea, their voices harmonizing. We were both moved to tears.

Once in Rome, we had 8 hours of layover and so we decided that time would be better spent by going into the city than sitting at the airport. We took a sightseeing bus tour, had dinner in a secluded tavern, and returned to the airport late into the night to board our plane.

We are so grateful to have been able to celebrate our love in this way. We are grateful for our wonderful friends and family who were there to support us. We are grateful to the universe for having brought us together.

Settling in in Bujumbura (31 July 2007)

It’s been a long time since our last “mailing.” We have now been in Burundi for almost two months. It took us 2 weeks to find a house and another week to move in, after which we did everything we could to make it a home. We have had it renovated (painted and fixed), had curtains and sofa covers made by a local tailor, bought a TV, stereo and a satellite dish, as well as equipped the kitchen. Speaking of kitchen, we have hired a cook. His name is Tarsus, he is in his late 20s, is married and has two little children. He comes 6 days a week, 8-16:30, and cooks and cleans.

With the house we also inherited a gardener, Charles, a man in his 40s, also married and with 6 children, the oldest one being 21 and the youngest one 3. Charles takes care of the garden and does the laundry (by hand!). As mandated by UN rules, we had to hire a security company and its three guards to keep us and the house safe. Two guards (Augustine and Bosco) work during the night, and one (Celestine) during the day. The night guards are quite young, while Celestine is 55. When they started we found out that they had not been paid in 3 months by their company. Outraged by this injustice, we changed security companies but kept the guards, making them quite visibly happy, especially after we told their former boss on the phone, in front of the guards, that we would pay for the 12 days we used their services only after they pay the guards for the 3 months they owe them.

Add to the mix two little cats, Siva (the girl) and Thor (the boy), and you should have an idea of what our household is like. The house is located on the biggest road in Bujumbura and is a walking distance from my office, which brings me to the next topic:
work.

I hate my internship. The work is quite boring and administrative in nature, with the exception of an article on peace agreements in Burundi I helped write for the organization’s magazine, which might be published in September. Now that the staff figured out I wasn’t the boss’s friend by any stretch of imagination, they commiserate with me and express their hope of finding another job. Unemployment is very high here putting them between the rock and the hard place. And on top of that, I’m beginning to think that ACCORD practices a very limited sort of conflict resolution. In fact, they call it management, and that’s all it is. I crave more bravery and innovation, as well as stimulation in my work. (beware of places like this, my ICAR friends!)

Elray’s work situation is somewhat better, though he is beginning to feel like a UN bureaucrat, unable to use his creativity or initiative. He attends endless meeting with chiefs of UN agencies in Burundi who, due to big egos and inertia, are incapable of cooperating with one another. He also has a very annoying and controlling coworker with whom he shares the office, making it that much harder to enjoy his job.

Bujumbura is not exactly the cultural capital of anything—there are no theatres, museums or art galleries that we know of. However, there are great restaurants. The great refers to the food, while service is notoriously slow. It takes an hour to get
food once you’ve ordered. But it’s delicious. The downtown is pretty run down, though vibrant. The main shopping street, Avenue de la Mission, has many little shops, textile, electronics, cosmetics, and in front of the shops sit tailors, male and female. We bought, for example, the material for curtains in one of those shops, and gave it to one of the tailors outside to
sow them.

I might have talked about this in one of the previous emails, but it’s worth mentioning again: there are NO traffic rules in Burundi! Crashes happen all the time as drivers weave in an out of non-marked lanes at 100 km/h in the city, at the same time competing for road space with pedestrians and bicycle riders.

Burundians are quite nice, though a bit suspicious of strangers, which in not surprising given the history of colonization and violence. We come in contact with cultural idiosyncrasies on a daily basis. The other day, for example, I found out that women do not share the news of their pregnancy with anyone until the baby is born. This might sound odd, but makes a lot of
sense in a place where it is not certain that the fetus will survive and be born at all due to the lack of proper nutrition and medical services.

We are leaving for Croatia on August 10 where we will meet many of you for a week of fun and celebration—our
second wedding! Though the island we’ll be staying on has had a couple of severe wildfires this summer, we hope that everything will be fine and no natural or man-made catastrophe will conspire to ruin our gathering ;)